The 2009 Advent Calendar Unplugged!

[Pete Wells]

At last, the 2009 Advent Calendar in all it's glory! Before I start, I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who took part, you really did make the run up to Christmas even more exciting! The effort people put in was staggering and highlighted why this is the greatest board going!

The thread itself got well over 8000 views so I guess I wasn't the only one who got a kick out of it! Same time next year fellas?

Before I start, I'm going to post each day in a seperate post, please refrain from commenting until I get to the bonus post on December 25th! Thanks in advance!

Let's crack on...

December 1st - Pete Wells



The calendar began with my shoddily drawn, Dredd-in-his-underpants film, "The Night Before Christmas."

To quote a certain Carlos Ezquerra "It's quite good that little film you made, ok the drawings are not first class but the idea it is!"

Thankfully, to make up for my terrible visuals, I was able to rope in Toby Longworth, the voice of Dredd in the Big Finish audio dramas and the Dredd vs. Death computer game. Once again, thanks to toby for agreeing to do it!

You can watch the film here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hroYikzx5n8

[Pete Wells]

December 2nd - Kevlev



Kev "One-to-watch" Levell went next with this wonderful Zombo Claus picture, I particularly like the way he is peeking from behind the number 2 door of the Advent Calendar!

[Pete Wells]

December 3rd - Bolt-01



Next, the Zarjaz Bolt introduced us to Ruut-Holf the Red-Nosed Gila, complete with his catchy little ditty. Let's hope our own Hell Trekkers don't encounter any similar beasties on their way to HI-EX next year!

[Pete Wells]

December 4th - Kerrin



An hilarious comic strip from Kerrin showing Santa's Annual Hazardous Flying Test. Look out for Kerrin in the bottom corner of the pic!

[Pete Wells]

December 5th - Cthulouis











The fifth saw this five page epic from Cthulouis, what wonderful use of Blitzspears!

[Pete Wells]

December 6th - Jamescor



James dedicated this beautiful picture of our favourite GI to those who wouldn't be home at Christmas. Lovely stuff.

[Pete Wells]

December 7th - Commando Forces and The Legendary Shark



Shark blew us all away with a fantastic trailer for an animated Dredd series, which you can see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRVDX3Hlqhc&fmt=18. I urge you all to pause it so you can look at some of his character and badge designs, they're amazing!



Also on this day, Commando Forces posted this crackingly festive picture of him and mega Script Droid Dan Abnett messing about (don't mention CF sucking him tummy in!)

[Pete Wells]

December 8th - Mangamax



Mangamax sculpted this amazing re-creation of the cover of prog 349. To see just how good it is, here is a comparison of the cover and the sculpture, cor!

[Pete Wells]

December 9th - Vzzbux, Roger Godpleton & Colin MacNeil

The clearly insane Roger kicked off the day with his Opus - "Batman/Dredd IV - Ding Dong Merrily on DIE!" and here it is, for those of you with strong stomachs!

PROLOGUE

There was a hand popping out of the ground, like it was escaping from Hell. It was desiccated and withered, like a zombie. Like a zombie escaping from Hell. It was Judge Death’s hand. Judge Death is a zombie. Judge Death was in Hell. Emphasis on “was”.  The emphasis is because he wasn’t in Hell. Not no more. He wasn’t in Hell any more. He had escaped from Hell. Judge Death escaped from Hell. TO KILL PEOPLE.

MIDDLELOGUE

It was Christmas in the Dredd household. He had invited Guthrie along for Christmas but Guthrie had turned him down. He was stuck with Rico, Vienna and Dolman. He didn’t mind being stuck with them but he was still a bit upset that Guthrie had crapped out on him. A bell rang, Dredd’s house bell. He answered the door. He couldn’t see anyone. He tried to close the door.
“Hey douche face, down here.”
It was Walter the Wobot.
“Walter?
“Yes, Walter. But I had surgery to get rid of my speech impediment. Now I am Walter the Robot.”
It was Walter the Robot.
“GO AWAY.”
“Remember that one Christmas where we exchanged gifts ? I want to go back to that.”
“We can never go back to that.”
“Oh, alright then.”
Walter left. Went he went round the corner Judge Death who was hiding there shoved his hand through Walter’s chest  because he had a new robot killing power that he was borrowing from Idi Amin who he met in hell. He had no intention of giving it back because Idi was a dick, although he did have some cool stuff. Because he had the cool stuff people pretended to be his friend.
“Yesss. One down, eight to go.  The eight I have lefffttt to kill are Dredd, Rico, Anderssson, Vienna, Dolman, Batman, Robin and Guthhhrie”.
All eight of those people suddenly felt a sudden chill.
“I’ll just turn the heating up Joe.”
“Not too much Dolman, it said it might be picking up outside fairly soon and it’s not good for the boiler if we keep messing around with the heating.”

Before he took his final climatic revenge, Judge Death decided to go on a hedonistic rampage of debauchery, death, devastation, desolation and destruction. He hired a prostitute and fucked her (not drokked, fucked. Fuck), paying her a lot of extra money that he had earned in the illegal gambling casinos of Mega City One. He cheated to take all of the other gamblers money, and then he killed them all to see if they had kept any extra money for taxis or drinks so he could steal that as well. He paid the prostitute extra money to bring her kids along so they could watch, scarring them mentally for life. In one case he scarred one of the children physically for life as his nemes (semen spelled backwards as it does the opposite of normal semen which creates life) turned out to be acidic and it was flying everywhere. Then he went out to a restaurant and demanded he be served veal. Veal. Then he decided he actually wanted to kill those children after all and went back and murdered them. Afterwards he was a bit upset that he’d spent that extra money to mentally scar the children that he was going to kill anyway but he rationalized his decision, using cold,  rational thinking in the same way that all of history’s great tyrants and mass murderers like Hitler, Stalin, Idi Amin (more on him later (and earlier)) and Richard Dawkins did. His rationalization (that word again, like “family planning” or “nicemurder”) was that the mental scarring had kept the kids from moving because they were suffering from Rigor Horroris so at least then they wouldn’t run away. Like Anakin Skywalker, he had become a child murderer who had crossed the line by killing younglings. Then it turned out that veal didn’t really agree with him and he got temporary diahrrea. He hired another prostitute and relieved himself on her chest. Then he decided to put some more money in her payment jar so he could do a Boston Pancake. Of death. Then he killed her then stole all the money in her payment jar and went back to Dredd’s hab block. He had abjured from alcohol this evening because he didn’t want to forget his main job and the location. The rampage was over. It had passed in a continuous blur, like a really long paragraph that an incredibly intelligent, handsome, sexy and precocious young man had added into a fairly thin story at the last minute, channelling Joyce in a stream of consciousness style and surpassing Joyce because he was even better than Joyce and Pynchon and Proust. Maybe as he was writing it he recalled that twice he had seen the word “Joyce” and assumed that it meant the TV programme or book was about James Joyce but it was actually about Joyce Grenfall. We may never find out.

It was Christmas in the Wayne household. He had invited Guthrie along for Christmas but Guthrie had turned him down. Wait, thought Batman, why have I invited Guthrie along. He lives in a different dimension and we’re not really friends. It’s almost as if someone has brainwashed me from a distance in an attempt to lure me into the Dredd dimension so they could murder all of their enemies which would include me and possibly Robin as well.
“Come along Robin and Batgirl we are going to another dimension to find out who would want to lure me to another dimension.” They didn’t need to worry too much about Gotham because Guthrie had killed the Joker once and for all in Batman/Judge Dredd VIII.

Batman was in the Dredd dimension but they had teleported in front of Judge Death so that  Judge Death could sneak up on them.
“Hey, what’s that smell.”
“It’s probably just Dredd farting, Batgirl.”
Robin and Batgirl laughed at the joke and high fived each other. Little did they know they might not be laughing so soon.

Judge Death snuck up to Batman and was about to kill him when Guthrie who was in Jet mode dramatically flew in through the window and dynamically rammed him through a wall.
Dredd and co rushed out to see what was going. Guthrie and Judge Death fighting in mid air was what was going on.
“Oh my God, Death has a new robot killing power, Guthrie doesn’t stand a chance” said Robin.
“He’s not a robot, Robin. He’s a shitting cyborg.” replied Batman
“Yeah.” said Giant, who had just entered. Everyone just stared at Giant as if they were plotting to kick him in the balls for making redundant comments.

Guthrie and Judge Death flew through the air as they fought.
“Givvvve it up Gutttthrie, I have a robot killing power.”
Guthrie smirked, as if he knew some sort of secret about Judge Death’s robot killing power. He did know a secret and he was going to tell Judge Death the secret.
“You mean the one you borrowed from Idi Amin?”
Judge Death blanched, or he would have done if he wasn’t already pale from being a zombie. Probably if you stared long enough at him you might be able to observe the nuances of Judge Death’s skin tone and work out from there whether Judge Death could be said to be more or less pale than he usually is. But he would probably kill you first. Just for looking at him.
“Idi’s one of the good guys now, Psi Div have been planning a trap like this for months and I’m the one to spring it!”
“Well actually I’m the one who issss ssssspppringing it, you’re jussst the stupid faggy robot who comes along  with sssome gunsss.”
Guthrie’s face went from being jovial and smirky to no nonsense and tough, befitting the change in his attitude. He opened his mouth to speak.
“Fuck you. I’m a shitting cyborg.”
Guthrie fired a massive laser cannon. Judge Death couldn’t scream as it was also a soullaser cannon and his soul was destroyed as well.
On the ground Dredd, Vienna, Rico, Dolman, Giant, Walter, Batman, Robin and Batgirl wondered where Guthrie had got a soullaser cannon from. Their questions were about to be answered as the spirit of Idi Amin flew up from the ground.
“Hey Idi, thanks for lending me the soullaser cannon and for lending Judge Death the fake robot killing power (that’s why Walter wasn’t really dead). But why did you do it?”
“I’ve been stockpiling cool stuff in Hell for years. I couldn’t get into Heaven by being peaceful as it’s not in my nature so I had to do it by being violent but in a good way. Now I have helped destroy the most evil being in history so God is letting me into Heaven. Thank you Guthrie and everyone else.”
Everyone else smiled and laughed. Anderson came out of Guthrie’s cockpit and summed up what everyone else was thinking. “No Idi Amin, thank YOU”. They all smiled and laughed.

This was the story of how Idi Amin became a hero.

EPILOGUE

Satan went into Idi Amin’s stockpile of cool stuff. “This may come in … useful.” He said with a possibly evil intent.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t work “And what would that be, you fucking turd?” into this I actually did but in a more subtle way that no doubt you’re too stupid to see.



Next Vzzbux shared his passion of collecting action figures with us by showing us his magnificent collection. To get this photo he actually banned his daughter from one room in his house, dedication indeed!



Finally this day, super art droid Colin MacNeil overcame the flooding of his home to bring us the amazing image above. What a guy!

[Pete Wells]

December 10th - Buttonman



One of the many contenders for pun of the season went to Paisley's finest for one of his beautiful, trademark Microsoft Paint Masterpieces. Proof at last that Clint Langley has been copying Buttonman's style?

[Pete Wells]

December 11th - Dandontdare and The Monarch



TWO offerings from Dandontdare, the first the superb picture above of Dr Boobies and Shakara, and the other, this great festive poem below:





Meanwhile, the Monarch shared his New Years Resolutions with us through the medioum of collage, watch this space for more Cannon Fodder!

[Pete Wells]

December 12th - Mygrimmbrother and Bhuna



Mygrimmbrother gave us this beautifully coloured picture as once again, Santa gets busted by Dredd, poor fella! Also today, Bhuna submitted this Mega-City One stained glass window, and another contender of pun of the season...

[Pete Wells]

December 13th - Leigh Gallagher and Uncle Fester (and Cravenoir)



Bouwell went awol (don't worry guys, he's fine, he was just working) so Kevlev saved the day by getting this beautiful Defoe image from Leigh Gallagher, yay! Uncle Fester gave us this cheeky offering...




Which prompted Cravenoir to post this on Christmas Eve, good Lord!

[Pete Wells]

December 14th - Worldshown



A great offering from Worldshown, are you listening Grennie???

[Pete Wells]

December 15th - Gavin Leahy



Certainly one of the more original and charitable entries for the calendar. Gav left copies of 2000AD around the country as a gift for passers by, with an invite for them to join us here. Now that's creative thinking Mr L!