Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[satchmo]

Two eight year olds burned down the doctors surgery near where I live, they had to evacuate Asda and everything...

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/local/spennymoor/5046502.Father___s_shame_over_surgery_fire/

[Roger Godpleton]

I was pretending that I was being punched in the face by an off-screen assailant on chatroulette by punching myself in the face and now I don't feel very well.

[TordelBack]

Oh dear god Roger, please tell me I haven't seen you wanking. 

[flip-r mk2]

Makes a change from having a chug on  chatroulette I suppose.




filip

[staticgirl]

My crap printer.

[COMMANDO FORCES]

When I got out of bed yesterday I managed to get a spelk in the heel of my right foot, fuck it hurt. I then had to wait for my wife to finish work so she could pull it out due to it being impossible for me to do it.
Lets just say she had great fun with all her implements laid out ready to operate on a defenceless old me. It hurt even more as she gouged out the little git and when she put the salt water on Jesus Christ!
Still all is well now, so the Hell-Trek is safe

[Banners]

We've had a delivery of DVDs go missing.

Our client commissioned us to do the whole package. They sent us an ISO, we did the artwork then sub-contracted the manufacture and print to a DVD-pressing plant - all with the client's knowledge.

The plant then sub-contracted delivery to the courier. We have proof from the courier that the goods were signed for at the designated address, but the client says they are not there, and that there is no-one there by the name of the signatory.

Who is responsible for this? Me, the DVD manufacturers, the courier or the client?

M@

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Well it can't possibly be your fault, then again this is Britain and anyone can be guilty of anything nowadays.
Hope you get it all sorted.

[Bolt-01]

From the way you explain it, it comes down to the courier. Good luck.

[Banners]

Cheers, Fellas. I'm just a little worried we're going to get ask to pay for this...

M@

[Mike Gloady]

Shit Banners, that sucks.

Oh and Roger, remember this *ahem*

BA-NA-NAS COME FROM THE TRO-PI-CAL EQU-A-TOR
SO YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT BA-NA-NAS IN THE RE-FRIDG-ER-A-TOR!

[Tiplodocus]

I've sat on my phone.

And for those of you that haven't met me in person, that means the screen is fecked.

And I'm not due an upgrade until end of May. 

So I'm having to use a five year old Nokia the size of a brick until then. (I suppose teh good news is that, unlike modern phones, it goes for about three weeks between charges).

Oh and re: Swan Lake, one of my multitudinous nieces is called Odette. (shortened to DOT which goes well with her brother Dashiel)

[uncle fester]

...because the annual loons-chasing-a-cheese-down-a-hill has been canceled! Boo!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/8563692.stm

[TordelBack]

My wife threw out half an onion I had been keeping in the fridge for the purpose of manufacturing a yummy sandwich for my lunch (a whole onion is too much for any one sambo).  Apparently it was 'gathering bacteria', despite being sealed in tupperware.  Knowing enough of women to concede the point, I abandoned the project and had a truly scrummy sandwich in a branch of Pig & Heifer (despite being well over budget this month thanks to the Alec omnibus), made for me by a very attractive Polish lady who resembled Enid from Ghost World (the comic).  See wife, you've pushed me further into the red, and (metaphorically) into the arms of another with your health warning!  

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Bugger, it's hailstones in maidstone at this very moment. At least I can laugh at the people in the street running for cover