Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[DavidXBrunt]

A couple of doozies from one of my colleagues this week. I was dicking about dancing to some M-People song - for reasons too long to go into here - and my colleague looked up, and said "Don't you stand there under my nose pulling faces behind my back, Mr. Blunt!".

Earlier in the week she defeated my reasoned, logical arguement that bullying is wrong by stating "We've all commited suicide, Mr. Blunt".

[esoteric ed]

Not a personal experience David, but my brother asked two of his staff "how many quarters are there in a (earth) year?", both said... 3



Ed

[Max Kon]

At games day I had the following conversation with Will Hayes (the forge world sculptor)

m: do you know the size of the base used for the eldar titan?

w: huh?

m: do you know the size of the base used for the eldar titan?

w: you mean the painted one over there?

m: yes, that one

w: yes I do

m: well

W: well what?

m: do you know the size of the base used for the eldar titan?

w: yes

m: what is the size?

w: oh, 160mm


like i'd be interested in whether he knew the size of a base and not want to know its size.

[Floyd-the-k]

Dxb, that`s surreal!
Max, that`s annoying, either rude or unfunny and rude.

I`ve had someone tell me that Australia shouldn`t be a republic `because you`d have to change the flag`. Stupid because if I`d like us to be a republic, it`s quite possible I don`t care about changing the flag. Possibly they thought this was funny.

here`s an odd one:

F: You write children`s books. Have you read the Moomin books? They`re really good.
New Zealander Colleage; I haven`t read them. They must be Australian

[Devons Daddy]

stupid,catering industry,customers, its  receipe for success in this arena,QE2 passengers. proving money does not + common sense.

Q/is this is the breakfast buffet chef?
A/yes.
its 8.30 am in the morning. we have freshly fried egg and ommeltte station. bacon eggs,sausges and so on.what do you think it is HIGH TEA?

Q/.so you guys go home at night or stay on board the ship then?
A/no sir we stay on board.
its the third day a sea for a five day atlantic crossing.do you see any very very long range helicopters or fast boats?

Q/do these pork sausages contain meat chef?
A/yes sir i am told we use minced pork in them.
PORK SAUSAGES, say it slowly.

[Mangamax]

We went on the Eurostar shortly after it opened and, getting back to Ashford "International", got a taxi.
Taxi Driver: "Been on the Eurostar then?"
Me: "Yes"
Taxi Driver: "What's it like then?"
Me: "Well, after a while it gets boring - sort of being on the London Underground"
Taxi Driver: "Guess you could always watch the fish and the ships going by"

The scary thing is i think he actually believed the tunnel was a glass tube going along the bottom of the channel. And we were trusting him to drive us home.

[Dudley]

Psycho Killer Sales Boss.

Notorious for having a staff turnover of the equivalent of his entire team every 18 months.

Given to shouting abuse if sales figures weren't on target.  

Luckily, also given to malapropism of the highest order.  Such as...

-  Look, just talk to the face, cos the hand ain't listening!

-  I've always said it, brains baffles bullshit.

-  We need some blue-box thinking here!

etc...

[IndigoPrime]

:: Australia shouldn`t be a republic `because you`d have
:: to change the flag`

In all seriousness, I wonder what such a change would bring. I actually rather like the Australian flag right now. I also wonder whether being a republic would bring any benefits to Australia at all. I used to be all for scrapping the royals and smashing together a republic from the various bits of the UK. Then, after seeing the Americans make a continual hash of the presidency, and Blair going in that route, I'm quite happy to leave things as they are.

[Priv8eye]

Gave my mother a CD player and a couple of CD's for her birthday one year.  Was demonstrating how to work the CD player and handle CDs when she asked "when they're finished do you rewind them?"

[Dudley]

Can't see any reference to this anywhere else, sorry if it's already been mentioned.

Jonathan Woss has wetweated fwom interviewing Gwant Mowwison, and spent much of his wadio show apologising and pleading a pwiow awwangement.  

(This is according to my Mum, who's a regular listener and phoned me afterwards to ask what it was all about.  Apparently Ross did go on and on about it, publicising Winterfest to the best of his ability).

[Devons Daddy]

ahh mothers.
mine( batty as a friut cake)

1983 VHS video recorder new in the house
.
family is watching some movie we hired from the local video store.she notices the time.
asks my father to tape the show for her on ITV which starts any minute now.

while we are watching the video movie so she can watch her show later.

[Tex Hex]

My friends ex once asked us "If you put a bullet in a gun backwards, will it fire out the back and kill you?"

hex

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Today;
"i can't get the air hose to work for my tyres, ive put a ?1 coin in , but it won't work "

" what you mean this large yellow machine with 3 inch letters saying 'car vacuum cleaner' ?"


"'Gleaner' Oils, is that a 'shell' garage?"," no its a 'Gleaner' garage"  (shit, unless theyre right ? nooo can't be)

Everyday: said to be as i scurry around at the garage in a uniform which says "blah blah Garage" from dawn to dusk, "are you busy at the pottery then?"  "no i'm here, the pottery is shut, its shit, thats why i work here you f*cking cretin"

etc etc etc

[Lobo Baggins]

"We've all commited suicide, Mr. Blunt".

My surname is Sharp, but I also had a boss who insisted on calling me 'Mr. Blunt'.

He thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Twat.

[Spartacus Hughes]

One of my wifes mates actually uttered the words..."Whats a dog?"

Now that has to be the thickest question I've ever heard.